August 10, 2017
Mel Evans/AP
Philadelphia Eagles fans tailgate near a pile of empty drink cans before an NFL football game against the Denver Broncos, Sunday, Dec. 27, 2009, in Philadelphia.
NFL preseason football is very bad, no good, unwatchable football.
Coaches are predictable and boring, hoping not to giveaway anything for when the regular season starts. The starters usually come out by the end of the first quarter. The games offer fans nothing more than an opportunity to watch in horror as a star player gets injured and then overreact on sports radio phone lines.
I'll be watching Thursday night's Eagles/Packers matchup only because I need something else after months of a bad Phillies team, the fantasy of LeBron joining the Sixers and the Flyers' new prospect getting an infection on his gosh darn face.
I, like most of you, will also be equipped with alcohol, because there are few other ways to enjoy bad football. (A family member being a player with hopes of making the roster, for example, is another way.) Here is a drinking game that will make enduring a very bad NFL preseason game actually fun:
Sip — Announcer doesn't know the name of a player, mispronounces it or has to correct himself
Sip — Announcer tries to justify the importance of preseason football
Sip — Announcer describes underdog story of player trying to make the roster
Sip — Announcer mentions a "position battle"
Finish your drink — Anyone mentions CTE, brain injuries or any of the underlying and inherently unhealthy elements of playing football
Chug - Someone other than a quarterback throws a forward pass
Finish your drink - A quarterback catches a pass
Sip — A Kicker or punter does anything other than kick or punt (tackle, run with the ball, etc.)
Sip — A starter is injured
Take a shot — A starter is injured so bad he has to be carted off the field
Sip – They pan to the starters joking around on the sidelines after being taken out
Sip — You find yourself cheering, but genuinely not sarcastically
Chug — Undrafted free agent scores a touchdown
Take a shot — Rookie quarterback throws an interception on his first pass attempt
Sip — Camera pans to a fan who is looking at his/her phone instead of the game
Chug — Camera pans to a fan sleeping
Wake them up and make them shotgun a beer — Someone you're watching the game with falls asleep
For heaven's sake just go to bed, it's the preseason after all — You fall asleep
