September 11, 2017
It's the day of the "Bachelor in Paradise" finale and reunion, and so much like we did for "The Bachelorette," we here at PhillyVoice are going to help you drink your way through some irresistibly trashy television.
Usually, I employ the help of fellow staffers Marielle Mondon and Sinead Cummings for a venture like this. But it turns out the former isn't a fan of my favorite male character, Dean, and the latter — a religious follower of "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" — doesn't even watch "Paradise."
So screw it, I'm doing this one on my own. Let's hit it:
Sip — Chris Harrison calls this season the "most dramatic"
Sip — They pan to any animal
Sip — Anyone cries
Sip — Someone says “trouble in paradise”
Sip — The quirky music plays (you’ll know it when you hear it)
Sip — Wells uses a puppet
Sip — Christen's job is listed as "Scallop Fingers"
POOR GIRL IS SCALLOP FINGERS OMG 😂 pic.twitter.com/GLbWvvZ4iU— cpup (@supremequeen23) August 30, 2017
Sip — Diggy is wearing a pair of glasses that are different from the pair he was wearing earlier in the episode
Sip — Ben Z. mentions his dog
Sip — Anyone mentions Alex's height
Sip — Amanda mentions her kids
Sip — Anyone mentions how they were initially attracted to Raven because of her accent
Sip – Kristina reams out Dean for supposedly being a f***boy
Chug — At any point you think Jack Stone might actually kill someone
Chug — You find yourself wondering how Robby gets his hair to stay like that
Chug – Taylor reminds us all how gosh darn smart she is
Take a shot — A couple breaks up
Finish your drink – There's a proposal (Spoiler: There's at least one!)
Donate any amount of money to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) — The show seriously mishandles how to address allegations of sexual assault for entertainment purposes