August 07, 2017
Confession: I'm very, very late to "The Bachelorette." In fact, I only started watching two weeks ago, shortly after fan favorite Dean was eliminated and right before the "Men Tell All" episode, which should have just been called "roasting Lee for being racist."
I have, however, caught up as fully as I could by binging the last half of the season and getting the down-low from friends who have been watching all along, and I am fully immersed and ready for the season finale Monday night.
With some help from PhillyVoice staffer Marielle Mondon, who has been watching since the first episode, we've put together a drinking game that should get you sufficiently drunk for the three-hour special.
It should also be noted that I am solidly #TeamPeter (although I think Bryan will win), and much of this drinking game reflects that position.
All right, the rules:
Sip – Anyone says "journey"
Sip – Anyone talks about being there for the right or wrong reasons
Sip – Whenever Rachel transitions into saying bad news with "...at the same time..."
Chug – Rachel makes it seems like she's going to give one of the guys the final rose, only to not give it to him
Sip – Peter acts like a normal human being (aka not wanting to get engaged after only dating someone for a few weeks on television while she dates multiple other guys)
Chug – Peter gets crucified for acting normal
Take a hate shot of vodka – Bryan acts smarmy
Chug – Rachel defends Bryan for his perceived insincerity
Drink a Corona – Bryan starts speaking in Spanish for no reason
Sip – Eric says he's never known love
Sip – There's a surprise helicopter ride
Sip – Someone goes into a new hotel room/suite/etc. and is like OMGGGGGG
Finish your drink – A teaser for what's coming up on the episode ends up being grossly misleading
Sip – Rachel and one of the guys sit in front of food they never eat
Pop open a bottle of Champagne in celebration of knowing love is real – Peter wins
Bring what's left of your bottle of wine into the bathtub, turn on the shower's hot water and let it burn your skin while crying – Bryan wins
Have a glass of water to signify your indifference toward the outcome – Eric wins