August 08, 2016

Shore Town Power Rankings: A national anthem beef and Blast's passing impact the standings

Spoiler alert: North Wildwood again serves as a case study in what seaside resorts should NOT be

Opinion Jersey Shore
Stone Harbor Spout Off Courtesy of anonymous Power Rankings reader/for PhillyVoice

Someone who summers in Stone Harbor is not exactly happy about nature's impact on their personal comfort.

Here we are in the second week of August, the speed with which we arrived at this point serving as a stark reminder to savor each moment of life.

Before you know it, the clocks will roll back and darkness will cover the eastern seaboard as dinner cooks on the stove. But let us not lament the constructs of space and time.

Instead, let's continue to celebrate — and, in some cases, decry — all of that which our 16 shore communities have to offer. There will be enough time to contemplate what it all means during the long, lustrous winter.

This week's Jersey Shore Town Power Rankings (JSTPR) features some remarkable drops, and one inspirational rise brought about by tragic loss (and the obituaries which enabled the world to hear all about them).

Seven days ago, the list was as follows:

16. Atlantic City (-2)

15. Sea Isle City (-14)

14. North Wildwood (+2)

13. Cape May Point (-1)

12. Ocean City (-10)

11. Wildwood (+4)

10. Longport (+3)

9. Strathmere (-5)

8. Margate (-3)

7. Stone Harbor (even)

6. Avalon (even)

5. Ventnor (+5)

4. Cape May (+7)

3. Long Beach Island (even)

2. Wildwood Crest (+7)

1. Brigantine (+7)

Let’s see how it stands today:

16. North Wildwood (-2) Just when you think this place can’t sink any lower, North Wildwood — and that is what it shall always be called, Angelsea freaks — returned to the headlines with a battle between pop music and the national anthem. To wit:

NORTH WILDWOOD — An allegation of disrespect for the national anthem is growing into a very public display of support for the flag on the 2500 block of the North Wildwood Boardwalk.

This week, a post on Facebook suggested that an employee at the boardwalk store Shirtique refused to turn down the store’s music for the playing of “The Star-Spangled Banner,” which takes place each day at 11 a.m. The poster, who could not be contacted for this story, alleges the employee used obscenity in his response.

This is the home of liberty and freedom.

This is the Summer Olympics season.

Why do you hate America, North Wildwood? Seriously, why?


15. Stone Harbor (-8) People getting hit by cars. People complaining about seaweed (see photo above this post). You’re better than this, Stone Harbor; at least, I thought you were. What’s next, messing with the anthem? Fie.

14. Cape May (-10) Just because you’re filthy rich doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take better care of Wonder Woman, you ingrates.

13. Cape May Point (even)

12. Margate (-4) You know you have problems when the sand and wind conspire to attack and destroy your chairs and umbrellas. Repent, Margate. The end is nigh.

This is your future. Get Geator to safety, now.

11. Ocean City (+1)

10. Longport (even)

9. Wildwood (+2) RIP, Harambe. RIP, the ever-presence of Wildwood’s Doo Wop architectural style, but thankfully, a fellow from East Falls — represent! — has a passion project to keep the images alive.

8. Strathmere (+1) Paraphrasing the immortal words of Mr. Jeff Spicoli, the key to a happy life is some tasty waves and a cool buzz. Kids should leave that second part out, but the fact that they’re learning how to surf in this seaside hamlet is worthy of a rankings bump.

Be like Jeff.

7. Sea Isle City (+8) Coast Guard medevacs helping an ailing woman offshore, honoring considerate members of Boy Scout Troop 76, and whatever ‘pickleball’ is all about: Net positives. Kids feeding seagulls: Horrific, abhorrent, shameful behavior. Please don’t feed the seagulls. They are rats with wings. Rats are horrible. Not quite as horrible as humans who feed seagulls, but horrible all the same.

6. Avalon (even)

5. Wildwood Crest (-3) Not quite sure how I feel about the whole “matted beach walkways” experiment. On one hand, they’re convenient. On the other, Clint Eastwood would probably have some harsh things to say about not only the mats, but the coddled man- and woman-babies who think they’re a good thing.

4. Ventnor (+1) As established in last week’s JSTPR entry, sharks are no longer an automatic detriment for a shore town’s standing. The fact that lifeguards allowed a pair of teens to battle — and defeat! — a six-foot shark speaks to a cordial relationship amongst those who call Ventnor summer home. We can all learn something about cooperation and ensuring humanity’s superiority over angry sea creatures from this story.

3. Brigantine (-2) Alexa Brunetti’s kinda worried about how her hometown will react after her episode of Dating Naked airs this Wednesday. The JSTPR computation device expects a kind reaction, lest Brigantine finds itself in the muck like North Wildwood. Also, sand castles, yay!

2. Long Beach Island (+1) Yacht “mysteries” are cool. Watching your child get totally psyched while out on a neighborhood PokemonGo hunt on a Sunday afternoon like mine did this week, is even cooler. When PhillyVoice Eagles guy/MS Paint guru Jimmy Kempski pointed out that LBI is respected in this area …

… improved standing resulted.

1. Atlantic City (+15) RIP, Blast

NoneSource/Greenidge Funeral Home

A funeral for Leroy 'Blast' Bill Black, 55, of Egg Harbor Township, N.J., will be held Sunday in Atlantic City.

If Atlantic City is good enough for your home-going ceremony, it’s good enough for us.


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