Throughout the season, we'll be posting press box food spread rankings for each of the Philadelphia Eagles' road games. This is probably of no interest to you if you're a sane human being, and, well, I don't care. I'm doing this anyway. 

If you're fake-appalled by a sportswriter playfully complaining about free food, shut up, weenie. Please note that we'll have the most recent press box reviews at the top.

Eagles at Packers, Week 10

Let me first say that if you're a reporter, Green Bay is the worst city to travel to in the NFL. Unless you're coming from Chicago, or Denver, or Atlanta, you're probably not getting a non-stop flight there. So you can either get a flight with a layover, or you can fly to Milwaukee, and then drive 1:45 each way to and from Green Bay. If the game happens to be in primetime — as this game was — you're not getting back to your hotel in Milwaukee until like 3:30 in the morning. You better have coffee or a couple of Red Bulls, because that is a boring-ass drive. 

Plus, you know, it's cold af.

I certainly recommend seeing Lambeau Field, and the neighboring community. But, like, once. And then never go back.

The Packers had some interesting choices for their spread, like this chicken pot pie:

The pot pie was hard to even get on your plate. To begin, those pieces were huge. I can't imagine that even the burliest of Wisconsin folks in the press box would want a full piece, and they were very difficult to cut, especially with no big knives provided. Still, because it was such an oddball dinner choice, I felt like I had to try it. I did manage to cut off a small piece, and uh, it was bad.

They also had pork.

That 👆 looks pretty good, right? It wasn't. Shockingly dry.

And staying on the "weird choice" theme, they had "jalapeño popper dip."

No way in hell I was eating that with 7-8 hours of work ahead.

On a side note, the Packers made you scan your credential before getting in line for food. My assumption was that this was to prevent going back for seconds. If so, (a) that is some Dan Snyder shit, and (b) the food accomplished that more than the scanning procedure.

At halftime, the Packers had fried cheese curds and "Pack and cheese."

So basically just a lot of cheese.

The one thing about the Packers' spread that I did like was the pound cake with chocolate and strawberry drizzle.

I was also excited to see that the Packers had a freezer with Snickers bars...

Except, OH NO! The Snickers freezer was filled with some off-brand ice cream sandwiches. I love an ice cream sandwich, but as Ross Tucker said while we were discussing our disappointment over the bait and switch, "You think you're getting a 10, but instead it's a 5.

I mean, the side of the Snickers machine says, "OFFICIAL SPONSOR OF THE NFL," lol. Nike is an official sponsor of the NFL, too. That's like buying some Air Jordans and when you unbox your delivery there's some New Balances in there.

Grade: Most of the things I ate just made me feel bad about myself. C-.

Eagles at Vikings, Week 7

The Eagles hadn't been to U.S. Bank Stadium since 2019, a fairly long time for an NFC rival. And then the time before that was, well, you know. U.S. Bank Stadium is very comfortably a top 5 NFL stadium, in my opinion. I'd probably rank them like so:

1. SoFi Stadium (Rams/Chargers)
2. U.S. Bank Stadium (Vikings)
3. Lumen Field (Seahawks)
4. AT&T Stadium (Cowboys)
5. Mercedes-Benz Stadium (Falcons)

Maybe I'll rank all of the NFL stadiums when I'm hard up for story ideas in, like, June.

Anyway, it was a 12:00 p.m. CST game, so they served breakfast. The Vikings had a visually impressive spread. To begin, they had an omelet station, 

The omelet station had the following fixins: 

• Goat cheese
• Cheddar cheese
• Swiss cheese
• Spinach
• Mushroom
• Red onion
• Jalapeño 
• Peppers
• Tomatoes
• Ham
• Bacon 
• Sausage

All the fixins looked super fresh, and visually appealing: 

However, the omelet ordering process was a mess. Jeff McLane of the Inquirer noted that you told a waitress of sorts your choice of fixins, and then they made them, one at a time at two different stations. Unless you were one of the first people in line, it was widely reported by several media folks that it took about 15 minutes to get your omelet.

If you're at a diner and sitting at a table, chatting with a friend or loved one, maybe reading all the ads on your placemat, 15 minutes is still kinda slow, but acceptable. In a press box setting, reporters have work to do. Some of us are writing pregame, some have on-field video shots, some have radio guest spots, etc. Standing and waiting 15 minutes for an omelet is not good.

But also, because you've already given your order, you kinda can't bail on your omelet because they're already going to make it. You're locked in. To just walk away would be a waste of food and disrespectful to the people making it.

"It was a helpless feeling," WIP's Eliot Shorr-Parks said. Lol.

In addition to the omelets, the Vikings had some fresh fruit some fancy bread, and some other more basic breakfast foods. Again, the presentation of the fresh fruit was well done.

I'm not a big omelet guy, but if I were, I sure as hell wasn't waiting 15 minutes for one. I had a plate of the more basic breakfast stuff.

That was all fine.

At halftime, they had hot dogs on Apu Nahasapeemapetilon-style rollers.

I like a hot dog roller. Again, that's about as visually appealing as you're going to make a hot dog look. 

They also had three different flavors of wings (they were OK), and some desserts. The desserts were — you guessed it — visually impressive.

They were fine, I guess? Personally, I'd just prefer a chocolate chip cookie or some soft serve ice cream. Sometimes, less is more. 

Grade: Growing up, we all had that one aunt at Christmas time (or fill in your holiday of choice) who would have a few gifts for you, with ornate wrapping paper wrapped to perfection, with a big bow, maybe a candy cane taped to the side of it, and you'd think, "Oh damn, what's this going to be?" And then you'd unwrap it and it's socks. The Vikings' spread was the equivalent of that aunt, though I do appreciate the effort. B-.

Eagles at Giants, Week 6

The Eagles had two games at MetLife Stadium this season — one against the Jets in the preseason, and one against the Giants. Both were night games (ugh).

The Giants had a pasta station. "Ayyyy, we got some pasta ova here," a North Jersey caricature said in my head. 🤌

Here's what that looked like:

I love a pasta skillet. And here's what they were cooking up: 

• Cheese ravioli: Brown butter, English peas, and crispy pancetta.

• Rigatoni: San Marzano tomato sauce, fresh basil, ricotta, and mozzarella.

Side note: My personal “Most common things I see on a menu that I constantly have to Google because I never remember what they are” power rankings:

1. Pancetta
2. Crostini
3. Shallot
4. Remoulade
5. Tarragon

In addition to the pasta, the Giants served the following sides: 

• Meatballs
• Sausage and peppers
• Penne vodka
• Caesar salad
• Assorted dinner rolls
• Fried arancini with pesto aioli

I had a plate of each. First, the rigatoni, and some sides:

The rigatoni was good. The meatballs and sausage... Eh. I went back for more rigatoni, and I felt like I had to try the ravioli as well. Plate No. 2:

The ravioli was good, too, however, eating a lot of fatigue-inducing pasta probably isn't the best choice for a working sports reporter who has to make a very late drive home, likely not getting home until around 2:30 a.m. Also, let's stop trying to make peas a thing. If you're thinking, "Give peas a chance," no. Stop it. Peas suck. Anyway, small gripe there.

They also had assorted sandwiches:

• Cherry wood-smoked turkey, oven roasted tomatoes, spring mix, lemon thyme aioli.

• Imported ham, pepperoni, hot soppressata, provolone cheese, romaine lettuce, and balsamic glaze.

• Mozzarella, tomatoes, baby arugula, radicchio, basil, EVOO, balsamic reduction, French baguette.

• Chicken cutlet, mozzarella.

The Jets had those sandwiches, too. They're good. I had the chicken cutlet sandwich.

At halftime, the Giants served chicken fingers and waffle fries. I some some of each:

My chicken finger analysis: Meh. However, as you can see from my plate, they also had a lot of good candy options, assorted cookies, and cake pops. Here were the candy options:

Really nice job by whoever picked out those candies. (Golf clap.)

Now that I'm typing all this out, I'm realizing how much food I ate that night, lol. 

Grade: Solid spread. B-.

Eagles at Buccaneers, Week 4

For the third straight year, the Eagles played a hot-as-hell September game in Tampa. In past years, I've walked a mile or two to the stadium, which proved to be a big, sweaty mistake. This year, I finally wised up and got an Uber.

Upon your arrival to the stadium, media are greeted to the following elevator.

If I didn't know that is an NFL team's logo, I would never get in an elevator with that painted on the outside.

Anyway, because the Eagles have had so many games in Tampa the last few years, I have come to know what to expect from the food spread, which is consistently very good. Upon my arrival bright and early (I arrived around 9:30 a.m.), they already have a bunch of food options available.

Fresh salad and fixins:

That's just all empty vitamins. Pass.

They also had some breakfast options, like French toast, breakfast potatoes, bacon, and scrambled eggs.

Multiple people complained that the scrambled eggs were runny. I didn't have any. Brooks Kubena of The Athletic commented that the bacon was the best he'd ever had, aside from his grandmother's.

The Bucs also served pretzel bites bright and early. They had three varieties:

1. Cinnamon sugar
2. Garlic parmesan
3. Salted

Here's one of each:

The cinnamon and garlic pretzels weren't very good. The salted ones were fine. I do appreciate the pretzel bite approach, so you can monitor your pretzel intake, as opposed to committing to a much bigger pretzel.

But most importantly, the Bucs had ice cream available bright and early, and with a bunch of topping options, plus additional assorted candies.

Did I treat myself to some soft serve ice cream and candy at 10 a.m.? You bet your ass I did.

That's my candy salad. Starburst, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and a Kit Kat on a bed of Skittles.

Again, all of the above was served super early in the morning. And then sometime around noon, the Bucs brought a lot more food, this time lunch options.

They had a beef carving station, with mac and cheese: 

And they also had hot dogs, chips and Cuban sandwiches. The always astute Olivia Reiner of The Philadelphia Inquirer noted, "A lot of meat."

Eliot Shorr-Parks of 94.1 WIP has said in the past that the Cuban sandwiches are the best item in any press box, league-wide.

The Cuban sandwiches are good, but that's a terrible take. Kubena might have gone a little overboard on the bacon take, too, for that matter.

And, always, the Bucs had Bananas Foster at halftime.

Because the Eagles have played in Tampa every year so frequently in recent years, and because I had already had two cups of soft serve ice cream, I skipped the Bananas Foster. But there's something to be said for having a weird-but-cool press box staple, so kudos to the Bucs for that.

Grade: As we note each year when we review the Bucs' spread, The Athletic blatantly ripped off my food spread review bit in 2020, and somehow ranked the Bucs' spread the best in the NFL. It's a good spread, with a lot of options, and the halftime Bananas Foster is a cool touch. But a bunch of their offerings are just OK, while a spread like Dallas', for example, is high quality across the board.

Still, I'm a sucker for soft serve ice cream, so anyone who serves it is going to grade out favorably. B+.

Eagles at Chiefs, Week 2

Arrowhead Stadium is right next to Kauffman Stadium, where the Kansas City Royals play, not unlike the Philadelphia sports complex. Like in Philly, there is a massive parking lot surrounding the two stadiums, and people are cooking food everywhere. The entire outside area smells like delicious burning animals. You enter the stadium hungry if you're a media guy/gal, at least if you're into cooked meat.

The Chiefs' spread:

• Arugula Pear Salad: Spring mix, sliced pear, goat cheese, toasted walnuts, lemon vinaigrette.

Personally, I'm a big arugula guy, (a) because it's good, but more importantly (b) because I like to say, "Arugula... it's a veg-eh-ta-bull," like Steve Martin in My Blue Heaven.

• Farro Salad: Dried cranberry, shaved fennel, orange zest, olive oil.