April 12, 2017
If you’re a regular reader of this column, you might be an angry commenter or my mom. (And she’s actually both.) Either way, you may know that I have a long, strange history with Cheetos that goes back to childhood. I have never liked them because they smell weird and they remind me of eating Styrofoam, which freaks me out. And yes, I realize this is not normal.
I have avoided Cheetos my whole life, except for two Bad For You reviews.
The first was
Burger King’s Mac ‘n’ Cheetos, which made me throw up in the
parking lot of a Phish concert. The second time was also at BK, when I had their
Cheetos Chicken Fries, which were not as terrible.
When I was searching the snack aisle looking for new foods to review, I spotted something called Sweetos. They are—surprise!—a sweeter, non-cheese spin-off of Cheetos. Once I saw them, I knew I had to review them to complete this disgusting trilogy.
This is strange as Cheetos is heavily pushing their products for the holiday, including holding Easter-themed contests. The Sweetos are even oval-shaped, which are supposed to be reminiscent of eggs. This is most certainly true, because when the winter-version was released, they did not have an egg shape. Instead, they were just circles. All in all, this is a moot point, as the actual puffs in the bag don’t really resemble anything.
In preparation for these reviews, I often read a bunch of press releases full of corporate buzzwords and “hip” marketing slogans and I die a little inside each time. But “on fleek”? I’m not cool in any respect, but even I know that people don’t say that anymore.
So how are these sweeter Cheetos? Not very good.
Regardless, the Cinnamon Sugar Puffs were the better of the two when compared with the new Caramel Puffs. The smell reminded me of Bimbo’s Rebanadas, which I previously reviewed, and were way better than this. Although there is a moment of sweet caramel taste, just like the other flavor, it’s too fleeting to really savor it. They end up being a bland, slightly sweet snack that doesn’t ever fix your craving of caramel or fulfill its promise of deliciousness.
Verdict: An interesting spin, though ultimately disappointing. I would say to stick with the original Cheetos, but they are my sworn enemy.