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September 02, 2016

That Happened: The Week in Review starring a gator, some bees and the nazi cop

Week in Review ThatHappened
alligator source/Collegeville Borough Police Department

Good thing we got this monster off the street.

A Philadelphia police officer, called out for the Nazi tattoo on his forearm, is also allegedly a Nazi reenactor.

“And I supposed you’re gonna give me guff about my Swastisnakes, too,” sighs Nazi Cop. “Yes, it’s these two snakes I tied together in the middle. Do the shape, guys! Do the shape, like I taught you! They did it the other day. Oh well. White power, Hitler's the best, yadda yadda yadda.”

  • is the part where
  • we make jokes about
  • things that happened

A swarm of bees forces police officers to evacuate their station in Carbondale, PA.

“I guess you could call it a sting operation,” says bee. And yeah it’s kind of a stupid joke, but remember: Bees communicate by waggling their butts, so everything they say is a little funny.

According to a new report by The Southern Poverty Law Center, there are 892 hate groups operating within the United States, including six in Philadelphia.

“Looks like my dance card is filling up,” says Nazi Cop.

Pennsylvania utility regulators reinstate a record-setting $11.4 million fine on Uber for operating for six months in 2014 without the required approval.

“Surge pricing,” explains regulator. “Next time try pooling your violations with other companies.”

A professor at Lafayette College in Easton says he's on a hunger strike after being denied tenure.

“Know what? Now that this educator has announced his plan to not eat for a long time, we realize he is worthy of tenure after all. Solid argument. Sensible correlation. We are convinced. Hell, let's give him triple tenure.”

Publishers Clearing House surprises a West Chester woman with a $1 million check.

“Publishers? Oh, honey, you need this money more than I do.”

According to a new report, obesity in Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Delaware has nearly doubled since 1995.

“There’s only one way out of this,” the report concludes. “The entire region needs to be denied tenure for like a year.”

A baby alligator is caught walking down the street in Collegeville.

“Aw man,” says baby alligator. “I was really looking forward to growing up and eating all these virgins.”

The Ephrata Fair, held annually in Lancaster County, cancels its “greased pig chase” event following outcry from animal rights activists.

“You mean I put on all this grease for nothing?” asks Nazi Cop.