September 02, 2016
source/Collegeville Borough Police Department
Good thing we got this monster off the street.
“And I supposed you’re gonna give me guff about my Swastisnakes, too,” sighs Nazi Cop. “Yes, it’s these two snakes I tied together in the middle. Do the shape, guys! Do the shape, like I taught you! They did it the other day. Oh well. White power, Hitler's the best, yadda yadda yadda.”
A swarm of bees forces police officers to evacuate their station in Carbondale, PA.
“I guess you could call it a sting operation,” says bee. And yeah it’s kind of a stupid joke, but remember: Bees communicate by waggling their butts, so everything they say is a little funny.
“Looks like my dance card is filling up,” says Nazi Cop.
“Surge pricing,” explains regulator. “Next time try pooling your violations with other companies.”
A professor at Lafayette College in Easton says he's on a hunger strike after being denied tenure.
“Know what? Now that this educator has announced his plan to not eat for a long time, we realize he is worthy of tenure after all. Solid argument. Sensible correlation. We are convinced. Hell, let's give him triple tenure.”
Publishers Clearing House surprises a West Chester woman with a $1 million check.
“Publishers? Oh, honey, you need this money more than I do.”
According to a new report, obesity in Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Delaware has nearly doubled since 1995.
“There’s only one way out of this,” the report concludes. “The entire region needs to be denied tenure for like a year.”
A baby alligator is caught walking down the street in Collegeville.
“Aw man,” says baby alligator. “I was really looking forward to growing up and eating all these virgins.”
“You mean I put on all this grease for nothing?” asks Nazi Cop.
