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June 23, 2016

The Onion perfectly captures the parking struggle in Philly

We've all been there

Parking in Philly is tough. You know that, and the struggle is especially real in the area from Society Hill to Queen Village. Which is why a 2013 article on the faux news site The Onion that's been recirculating on the interwebs is relatable for those of us who need to squeeze our cars into a tight space in that neighborhood.

Related: Police: Driver jumps curb in attempt to pull out of South Street parking spot, strikes four pedestrians

Appropriately, The Onion chose South Street for its blurb entitled "Nation Gathers Around Area Man Trying To Parallel Park." Here's an excerpt:

“Man, he’s cutting it pretty close there,” said Milwaukee resident Adam Collins, 36, who was among the 315 million American passersby watching with pained expressions as Olsen moved backward several inches and then abruptly hit his brakes. “He didn’t cut the wheel soon enough, that’s the problem. At this point he needs to just pull out again, line up about 3 feet closer, and then—Christ, he’s gonna nick that Corolla with his bumper if he’s not careful.” Moments later, the entire U.S. populace reportedly let out a collective groan as Olsen accidentally backed his tires up onto the curb for a second time.

As someone who's recently moved to the east side of South Street, I can confirm that most parking attempts draw at least a crowd of one or two people, silently judging your inferior skills.

And even if you can get a spot, your chances of getting a ticket are high — at least compared to the rest of the city. Predictably, the 19147 zip code, along with Center City zip codes, have the most violations. According to city data, 19147 had the fourth-most violations from January 2012 to March 2016 with 504,000.

You can check out the city's parking data here, and read The Onion article here. Oh, and here's a suggested subject for another article on the satire site: the Philadelphia Parking Authority.