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March 03, 2017

A Sixers fan wrote an 'American Pie' parody about 'the day The Process died'

The song was so good, we decided to record it

Sixers NBA
122715SamHinkie Matt Slocum/AP

Hinkie died for this.

Earlier this week, something magical came across my timeline. Something that, at the time, had only a few retweets but was deserving of so much more. A reminder that Philly sports fans are, and have always been, some of the funniest and most creative around, despite a reputation that was destroyed when our forefathers decided to bear frozen arms and take revenge on a fat drunk guy in a red velour track suit.

What came across my timeline was simple tweet with four photos attached to it. And each photo contained a full notebook page's worth of lyrics for a parody song about the Sixers – specifically trusting the process – that was so good it just had to be recorded.

After laughing my you-know-what off, I reached out to Patrick Resch, the 25-year-old from Flourtown behind the award-worthy lyrics. 

"The inspiration for the song came from my cousin who tweeted out a modified verse from American Pie," Resch told PhillyVoice. "He was a big Nerlens [Noel] fan and has been one of the most dedicated Sixers supporters even through the darkest times of the last four years. After I saw that I started picking at a few lines and the song basically wrote itself. 

"There’s so much material and The Process has really made it into the mainstream of Philadelphia sports consciousness."

That may be the understatement of the year. And after a February that saw the Sixers hit one of their lowest points, at least publicly, in recent memory, the Process suddenly doesn't seem like such a bad idea. Especially to those who trusted in it from the start, like Resch. 

"I have mixed feelings about the outlook for The Process," Resch added. "It’s frustrating to see new management come in and say that they will pride themselves on full transparency and then keep important information from the fans, especially with injuries. 

"On the other hand, this season is turning into another full tank job and hopefully we can bump the Lakers out of the lottery spot and get a couple top-5 picks in a deep draft. Plus we’ve stuck with it this long, might as well keep Trusting.

But the most important question I had for Resch, who works at a financial firm in the city, was if I could have the rights to record his masterpiece, because like I said, it needed to be shared with the world.

Resch happily obliged, and since my voice is absolutely horrendous, I decided to reach out to an old friend (and incredibly talented local recording artist) Matt Duke. The 32-year-old graduate of St. Joe's Prep was kind enough to sit down and record the song, which I'm going to share with you, in its entirety, in a moment.

But first, a few disclosures:

  1. I'm not a professional record producer or sound mixer. Apologies to Matt Duke.
  2. There's one little slip-up with the lyrics in the middle. Ignore that. It's an eight-minute song. We weren't starting over for that little mix up.
  3. There's one NSFW word in the song. Just one, but I figured I'd give you a warning.

Without further ado, here it is, "Colangelo's Lies," by Patrick Resch (and performed by Matt Duke):

Matt Duke will be touring with side project TFDI (Tony Lucca, Jay Nash, and me) in April. They'll play at World Cafe Live on April 8 and you can get tickets here

Follow him on Twitter | Facebook.

Follow Matt on Twitter: @matt_mullin