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May 10, 2018

Spoof column says Allen Iverson is upset about artificial intelligence buzz

Today's a rough day, Sixers fans. Yes, the future is bright, but the future is not today.

Everyone could use probably some cheering up, so let's comfort ourselves by looking back at one of the team's all-time greats.

Allen Iverson has been a full-hearted champion of the Process in Philadelphia, routinely showing up courtside to support his "little dudes" Joel Embiid, Ben Simmons and the rest of the Sixers throughout the incredible run that ended Wednesday night in Boston

One thing A.I. isn't so psyched about? AI.

In a silly satire column at Fortune, Ashwin Rodrigues says Iverson is fed up with the burden of expectations for artificial intelligence.

Allen Iverson, former guard for fourteen seasons in the NBA, would like to clarify he will not be at the forefront of blockchain technology, content moderation techniques, or supply chain management.

“It is becoming impossible for me to read the daily technology trades without seeing a reference to AI. Everyone says AI is the answer, which is true. I am the Answer,” said Iverson in a press conference addressing national media.

“However,” Iverson continued, “I am worried I am being promised as the Answer to questions I haven’t dared to ask.”

Rodriques actually took the optimistic view with this piece, which is fine. It's still good for a laugh. 

More than a few people — including Elon Musk and Bill Gates — believe artificial intelligence actually poses an existential threat to humanity.

Popular culture tends to associate the dangers of artificial intelligence with the rise of a robot army, or else super intelligent tactical robots like those featured in the most recent season of "Black Mirror." Generally speaking, the most realistic fear is that AI could become competent enough to achieve goals that are misaligned with the purposes for which humans, or some particular humans, created it. 

What would be awesome is a rogue AI movie in which Allen Iverson must defeat a global threat by completing a series of physically grueling missions, all of which require relentless practice. It will be called, "Not A Game."