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December 04, 2016

Handing out 10 awards from the Eagles-Bengals game

Welp, that was gross. The Philadelphia Eagles were blown out by a team that was 3-7-1 – and missing their best player. As always, win or lose, we hand out 10 awards.

1) The 'Wrong Direction' Award

During the week, Pederson said that the Eagles were heading in the right direction. I respectfully disagree.

2) The 'Olé' Award: Zach Ertz

On a Carson Wentz scramble in the first quarter, Zach Ertz decided that he just didn't feel like being a football player when he simply got out of the way of Vontaze Burfict. Ertz actually helps Burfict here, patting him on the back, like "Go get him, buddy!"

That's a complete Olé job there.

We're through 12 games this season, and Ertz still does not have a broken tackle.

3) The 'Witness Protection' Award: Opposing quarterbacks

The Eagles have one sack in the last three games. Yes, yes. I know. Quarterbacks are getting the ball out quickly. Or maybe the Eagles' pass rush just isn't that good?

MORE ON THE EAGLES: Eagles headed in wrong direction – and Doug Pederson's leading the way | Final observations: Bengals 32, Eagles 14 | Open thread recap: Bumbling Birds blown out by Bengals | Bengals 19, Eagles 0: Good, bad and ugly from first half | Report: Eagles will target WR DeSean Jackson in free agency

Over the second half of the Eagles' season, one of the safest occupations in America is playing quarterback against the Eagles' defense.

4) The Overthrow Award: Carson Wentz

We saw it in minicamp. We saw it in OTAs. We saw it in training camp. And it took a little while, but we eventually started to see it during the regular season. When Carson Wentz misses, he misses high. In that sense, he's kind of like the Bizarro Donovan McNabb, who used to throw too low.

If Wentz and McNabb had a baby, he'd be accurate as hell.

5) The GOAT Award: Paul Turner

In his second career game, Turner had six catches for 80 yards. By comparison, Nelson Agholor's career high for catches in any one game is four. His career high for yards is 64.

Paul Turner is legitimately the best receiver on this team. At least he can catch.

6) The 'Ginger Bowl' Award: Andy Dalton

Ginger Bowl I was won decidedly by Andy Dalton, who was 23 of 31 for 332 yards (10.7 yards per attempt) 2 TDs, 0 INTs, and a passer rating of 130.0. You know how we mentioned the Eagles' poor pass rush above? Well, the secondary played like crap too.

Carson Wentz is now 0-1 when facing other ginger quarterbacks.

7) The 'Andy' Award: Doug Pederson

Carson Wentz threw 60 times today, while the Eagles ran the ball just 19 times. That, of course, is a pass:run ratio of about 3:1. Last week, Wentz threw 36 times and the Eagles ran it 18 times, for a 2:1 ratio.

Wentz is on pace to attempt 522 passes this season, which would be seventh-most for a rookie in NFL history.

8) The 'Better, I Guess' Award: Nelson Agholor

Nelson Agholor was much better today than he's been for most of the season. I mean, he only had 4 catches for 23 yards, but at least he lined up correctly all game.

9) The 'LOL' Award: Marvin Lewis

With a nearly insurmountable lead, Marvin Lewis and the Bengals' coaching staff thought it would be a good idea to throw to their backup offensive tackle, who promptly fumbled.

Of course, the Eagles lost to a team that thought it would be a good idea to throw to their backup offensive tackle with an insurmountable lead.

10) The 'Golf' Award: The Eagles, in January

Because they sure as hell won't be playing football.

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