January 12, 2024
Alexander Pope once wrote: “To err is human, to forgive divine.”
Forgiving yourself for mistakes you've made in the past can be difficult, but it’s important for many reasons.
The benefits of self-forgiveness go far beyond simply feeling better — it can improve your mental health, lead to a more positive attitude, and strengthen your relationships. Showing compassion to yourself is also linked to higher levels of success, productivity, focus, and concentration.
If you struggle with forgiving yourself, here are some tips that may be helpful.
The first step in self-forgiveness is admitting to yourself what you did wrong and understanding the consequences of your actions.
Fully admitting a mistake is the only way you can truly learn from it and forgive yourself. Otherwise, you may continue to regret it.
Doing what you can to set things right can be helpful in your journey to self-forgiveness. When you’re ready, consider apologizing to the people you may have hurt through your mistake. If you've lied to someone, admit to them that you've lied. And if there’s a way to right the wrong that’s been done, consider doing it. Just be prepared for the possibility that the person affected may not be willing or ready to forgive you.
Forgiving yourself isn’t always a quick process. You’ll likely feel a wide range of uncomfortable emotions, such as remorse and regret. And that’s okay. Letting yourself fully feel these emotions can help you avoid making similar mistakes in the future.
While self-reflection plays a necessary role in forgiveness, replaying the mistake in your head over and over isn’t helpful to you or anyone who was affected by the mistake. Hammering yourself repeatedly doesn’t fix anything — it just makes you feel bad. If you catch yourself doing that, try to stop and focus your attention on positive things you’ve done for yourself and others.
If positive thoughts about yourself aren’t coming naturally, write down your negative thoughts and challenge yourself to come up with evidence to support them.
For example, suppose you’re telling yourself that you’re a liar. Write that down, then list the times you’ve lied. You’ll probably only come up with the one example you’re not forgiving yourself for, and little else.
Sometimes, you may have trouble forgiving yourself for something because you’ve buried your feelings about it. Writing a letter to yourself that details your regrets and mistakes can help bring your emotions to the surface where you can deal with them.
Self-compassion makes forgiving yourself easier. Recognize that your mistakes don’t define you, just as a child’s occasional bad behavior doesn’t permanently define them.
Practicing self-forgiveness isn’t easy. If you feel like you need outside help, don’t hesitate to seek it. A mental health professional may be able to help you navigate your feelings more effectively than if you try to do it alone.
Remember, forgiving yourself takes time. Think of it as a journey toward healing rather than a quick fix. Embrace the process by practicing compassion and seeking support if you need it.
