April 18, 2019
Is it a semi-pointless exercise to predict each regular season game's outcome as early as April, a day after the schedule was released? Yes, yes it is. Because I'm a hack sellout, let's just go ahead and do it anyway.
• Week 1, Washington at Eagles: Washington owned the Eagles for a little while there, but Philly has returned the favor over the last two seasons, winning four straight games by a margin of at least 10 points in each matchup. Washington may be a bottom five team this season, as they'll be trotting out Case Keenum, Colt McCoy, Josh Rosen, a rookie, or some other scrub quarterback Week 1. The Eagles opened as eight-point favorites in this game, currently the highest Week 1 spread in the NFL.
• Week 2, Eagles at Falcons: Like the Eagles, the Falcons had some bad injury luck a season ago, but they should contend once again in the NFC South in 2019. The Falcons have had to play in Philly in each of the last three seasons, with the Eagles winning all three of those games. Of course, the last two contests came down to the final play, and really could have gone either way. I'll take the Falcons here in another close one.
• Week 3, Lions at Eagles: The Eagles beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl. They can handle this bastardized, less talented, wannabe version of the Pats at home.
• Week 4, Eagles at Packers (Thurs): The Eagles got kinda screwed here, having to prepare for a Packers team with a new coaching staff they aren't familiar with on a short week. I don't believe the Packers are very good, but this is a dangerous game against the most talented quarterback in the world.
• Week 5, Jets at Eagles: The Jets are unquestionably going to be better this year. They added Le'Veon Bell, C.J. Mosley, and Jamison Crowder, while promising young players like Sam Darnold, Robby Anderson, Jamal Adams, and Marcus Maye should all be better. Still, they're not there yet, and this is a game the Eagles should clearly win. Fun fact, by the way -- In the all-time series, the Eagles are 10-0 against the Jets.
• Week 6, Eagles at Vikings: The Vikings made a mistake on the $84 million they guaranteed wide receiver coach Kirk Cousins, and this is the year it could all completely fall apart in Minny, even with an otherwise talented roster.
• Week 7, Eagles at Cowboys: One point that I don't think anyone has made on the schedule yet is that the Eagles' next game against the Cowboys is right back in Dallas, site of the royal screw-job the Eagles suffered at the hands of the officials last season. This is very much a revenge game that the Eagles will have circled on their calendars. Also, the Eagles are just better.
• Week 8, Eagles at Bills: I want to find a way for the Eagles to lose the third of their three-game road stretch, which is decidedly a significant scheduling disadvantage. But I just can't see how the Eagles' defensive line won't dominate the Bills in the trenches.
• Week 9: Bears at Eagles: In the same way the Eagles missed some members of their coaching staff last season, the Bears have some questions to answer with former defensive coordinator Vic Fangio leaving to take the Broncos' head coaching job. Can they remain an elite defense? We'll see. Still, the Bears should be properly motivated for this matchup, and the Eagles will be looking forward to their bye week after a difficult three-game road stretch.
• Week 10: BYE
• Week 11, Patriots at Eagles: I can already hear morons saying "tHe eAgLEs "sHoULdN't hAve goTTeN rId of nIcK fOLes" because he beat Tom Brady and Carson Wentz didn't, when Wentz will have like 22 TDs vs. 5 INTs at this point in the season.
• Week 12, Seahawks at Eagles: The Seahawks are that team that really just seem to give the Eagles problems. They have beaten the Eagles in four straight, and in those four losses, the Eagles' top offensive output was 15 points. However, this isn't the same Seahawks defense, and the Birds won't have to travel to the Pacific Northwest for a change.
• Week 13, Eagles at Dolphins: The Dolphins are pretty blatantly tanking this season. This will be another one of those stadium takeovers by Eagles fans.
• Week 14, Giants at Eagles: The Giants are very bad, and the Eagles own them.
• Week 15, Eagles at Washington: Washington is also very bad and the Eagles now own them, too.
• Week 16, Cowboys at Eagles: With the Eagles still in the hunt for a first round bye, something weird happens in this game, and the Eagles lose. We've reached the invaluable analysis portion of this post, and you're welcome.
• Week 17, Eagles at Giants: At 10-5 and still needing this game, the Eagles give Eli Manning one final loss before his Giants career ends. Ah, who are we kidding? He'll be back again in 2020.
• Wildcard round, (6) Packers at (3) Eagles: The Packers eke their way into the postseason, and unlike earlier in the season, the Eagles will have ample time and a season's worth of film to prepare, and they put a hurting on Aaron Rodgers.
• Divisional round: (3) Eagles at (2) Rams: New year, same result. The Eagles go into L.A. and frustrate Jared Goff into a handful of turnovers, with Wentz emerging as clearly the better quarterback.
• NFC Championship Game: (3) Eagles at (1) Saints: Again, new year, same result. The Saints' offense is just too much for the Eagles' back seven, and for the second straight year, the Birds' season ends in New Orleans to the crybaby Saints.
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