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January 25, 2015

Handing out 10 awards from the Pro Bowl

Eagles NFL
012415NickFoles Eugene Tanner/AP

Nick Foles' reign as the best football player in the Universe came to an end.

There were a bunch of Eagles players in the Pro Bowl this year, so I watched it. And then wrote about it. So ... here are 10 awards from the Pro Bowl, because... Oh what the hell?

The 'Keep ruining him' award: Jason Garrett

Including the playoffs this year, DeMarco Murray ran the ball 436 times. Garret was Murrays coach in the Pro Bowl, and what happened on three of the first four plays of the game? That's right! Murray got the ball!

Smart, Garrett.

OK, so Murray only touched the ball four times total in the game, but, shut up with your facts and let me make fun of the Cowboys.

The 'No longer the best' award: Nick Foles

Last year, Nick Foles was the MVP of the Pro Bowl, which by my calculation makes him the best player in the Universe for a year. Foles will be remembered in the annals of Pro Bowl MVP lore alongside football legends like Kyle Rudolph, DeAngelo Hall, Matt Schaub, and Marc Bulger.

Pro Bowl MVP

The 'How the hell did that dude make the Pro Bowl?!?!?' award: Andy Dalton

This guy made the Pro Bowl:

For real... How many QBs had to get hurt or just decide not to play in the Pro Bowl for Dalton to get in? 30?

The 'Nobody cares' award: Jimmy Graham

There was a hubbub about Jimmy Graham being penalized during regular season games for dunking over the goalpost after TD catches. Welp ... He caught a TD pass in the Pro Bowl and dunked over the goalpost. That's the TD celebration equivalent of signaling for a first down.

The 'Best kicker ever' award: Cody Parkey

The NFL used narrow goalposts for the Pro Bowl for some reason. Cody Parkey doesn't care. He was 2-2 on PAT attempts, making him the most accurate narrow goalpost kicker in the history of the NFL.

The Bill Brasky award: Jon Gruden and Odell Beckham Jr.

At one point during the telecast, Jon Gruden said without a hint of sarcasm that Odell Beckham Jr "can throw the ball almost the length of the field left handed." Bill Brassssskyyyyy!

The 'Ass up' award: The Eagles

The Eagles lead the league in Pro Bowl players (2: Jon Dorenbos and Jason Kelce) who throw the ball between their legs with accuracy and acumen. How did they not make the playoffs?


The Over-hyped award: Michael Irvin

Irvin was the GM of, um, Team Irvin, and he was screaming on the field like a lunatic after his squad had won. I'm not going to suggest anything, buuuuuuuuuuuuut.........

The meaningless late game drive award: Matt Ryan

He's "Matty Ice" because of his ability to lead game winning drives in the fourth quarter, and sure enough, Matt Ryan led another one in the Pro Bowl. Of course, he's been in the league for seven years and has one playoff win, but... Clutch!

The complete waste of productive time award: Me

...and everyone else who watched this mess.

Follow Jimmy on Twitter: @JimmyKempski