June 26, 2025
Every fan down in Philly liked the ‘Tush Push’ a lot,
Also known as the 'Brotherly Shove,' or whatnot.
The Eagles O-line was tough, mean, and big,
They snapped grown men like dry, rotted twigs.
The QB named Hurts squatted 600 pounds,
Which came in handy on third and fourth downs.
Coach Nick had a plan that he’d mastermind,
“How about if we shove the QB from behind?”
Whenever the Birds merely needed a yard,
Hurts reached the ball over the center and guard.
But this was no ordinary quarterback sneak,
As Saquon and Goedert had a hand on each cheek.
They pushed and they shoved with powerful spurts,
Until Hurts found a crease through which he could squirt.
He churned his legs with unstoppable strides,
Didn’t matter if the defense was lined up offsides.
Some teams tried to copy this Eagles creation,
But success was dependent on more than formation.
They tried their own versions of pushing the tail,
More often than not, their efforts would fail.
The Eagles were simply too big and too strong,
And their foes began to say, “Hey, this is wrong.”
They would whimper and wail and cry and whine,
They even tried to jump over the line.
Try as they might, there was no way to prevent,
A play that succeeded at 92 percent.
So they schemed and plotted and conspired and planned,
If we can’t stop this play then let’s get it banned.
The Commissioner agreed, let’s move to strike it,
This Brotherly Shove, I simply don’t like it.
But we can’t just get rid of it for no good reason,
Let’s make some shit up so it’s gone by next season.
Reminds me of rugby, is that controversial?
I'd rather they punt, and then air more commercials.
We'll say that the Tush Push could injure or maim,
Even though there's no data supporting that claim.
Or maybe we'll say it's so terribly dire,
That it caused Jason Kelce to promptly retire.
Whatever we say about this play we're forbidding,
I'll need some lackey to do my bidding.
Some sniveling patsy, agreeable slacker,
Perhaps the non-owner in charge of the Packers.
Let's find us some grumblers and fusspots and moaners,
For the play to be banned, we'll need 24 owners.
We'll state our case and put it to vote,
And when it passes we'll privately gloat.
But when ballots were counted... Oh no! What the hell?!?
22-10... Hey, that rings a bell.
Philadelphia's heart grew three sizes that day,
The Tush Push survived. It's here to stay.
Email Jimmy: jimmy@phillyvoice.com
Follow Jimmy & PhillyVoice on Twitter: @JimmyKempski | thePhillyVoice
Like us on Facebook: PhillyVoice Sports
Add Jimmy's RSS feed to your feed reader
