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June 06, 2016

Jersey Shore Power Rankings: Through the first weekend of June

The highly scientific look at what barrier-island towns are better than others evolves after second weekend of 'summer'

The summer season at the Jersey shore is but two weeks old, and already we’ve seen some shifting sands amongst the 16 entrants in PhillyVoice’s definitive shore-town rankings.

Will there be any noteworthy jumps or falls this week? Well, you’ll just have to keep reading, won’t you now?

But before we delve into the latest standings, let’s see what the rankings looked like after Memorial Day Weekend. The positioning is in many ways more affected by misbehavior than malice.

Seven days ago, the list was as follows: 

(movement from the previous week in parenthesis)

16. Wildwood (-11 spots)

15. Longport (+1)

14. Wildwood Crest (-3)

13. Cape May Point (even)

12. Ventnor (+2)

11. Brigantine (+1)

10. Long Beach Island (+5)

9. Cape May (even)

8. Atlantic City (even)

7. Margate (+3)

6. Ocean City (-2)

5. Avalon (-2)

4. North Wildwood (+2)

3. Strathmere (-1)

2. Stone Harbor (+5)

1. Sea Isle City (even)

So, let’s see how it stands today:

16. Avalon (-11) We stand up for our own at PhillyVoice. So, when we saw contributor Angelo Cataldi quoted in an Inquirer story about the elderly lifeguard with whom he tangled at the turn of the century, the reaction was visceral. If Cataldi does “harbor ill will toward Murray Wolf,” so does this definitive list. And it must do so in a fashion that holds “Murray Wolf is responsible for the Wildwoodification of Exit 13."

15. Atlantic City (-7) A.C. was poised to make a huge leap this week, if only to honor the passing of the late, greatest Muhammad Ali. But a funny thing happened when we went looking for Ali’s fight record near the end of the Expressway: None could be found. In fact, all that could be found was orange grifter Donald Trump “reflecting on his relationship” with Ali. Tacky at best for a candidate with A.C. ties who has a penchant for insulting the faith Ali held dear. (Also, this is a real thing that's happening in the formerly great resort.)

14. North Wildwood (-10) After an opening weekend featuring trash-strewn beaches and pool-bound electrocutions, North Wildwood was supposed to bounce back and reclaim its reputation as the good part of the island. But no. With 66 arrests — mostly of folks from in/near Philly, for underage drinking, drug possession and disorderly conduct — the place feels like an irresponsible beacon of lawlessness and ground zero for the collapse of the American family.

Where were their parents? Probably serving community service, that’s where. This is a stunning drop. Here’s hoping North Wildwood commits itself to introspection and personal improvement over the next week.

13. Ventnor (-1) Talk to us when jitneys want to stop there.

12. Wildwood (+4) After last week’s plunge, Wildwood rebounded a bit thanks to external forces and Mayor Ernie Traiano calling out millennials for littering all over his beaches. Ugh. Millennials are the worst, especially when their mothers don’t clean their basement bedrooms and do their laundry for them.

11. Longport (+4) This frou-frou locale that shares an island with A.C. was namechecked in a story about taxing plastic-shopping bags, which are bad for the environment. The environment is important to a place like Longport. Here, we reward them for promoting common sense.

10. Cape May Point (+3) Improving by doing absolutely nothing. Sometimes, the embrace of the status quo is a warm one.

9. Wildwood Crest (+5) No electrocutions = a gradual restoration of initial ranking.

8. Cape May (+1) Philadelphia Mayor Jim Kenney endorsed this Mile 0 resort as his shore favorite. That must be acknowledged in even a minor sense, as I reckoned he’d be North Wildwood all the way.

7. Ocean City (-1) I don’t like when people do knockoff lists. It has come to my attention that Ocean City ranked highly in once such fraudulent monstrosity and so must pay the price.

6. Brigantine (+5) This is a cool picture from Brigantine. 

No, it doesn’t really warrant a five-spot jump, but whatever, there was so much action elsewhere this week that Brigantine benefits in the same way that Cape May Point does.

5. Long Beach Island (+5) I ran into a friend named Ethan this weekend. He used to work at my neighborhood bar in East Falls, but doesn’t anymore. Having just returned from a few months in Australia, he stopped by that neighborhood bar, where I asked him for definitive shore town-ranking input. Ethan liked LBI the best. This pushes it into the Top Five.

4. Margate (+3) Jerry Blavat expressed appreciation for being namechecked in the original, definitive shore town rankings. 

The Geator is of a generation for which respect and politeness are second nature. Moreso than that big elephant, The Geator is the face of Margate now, and that is why Margate moved up the rankings.

3. Stone Harbor (-1) 

2. Strathmere (+1) This place was cited in an editorial about being riff-raff-proof. No wonder people want y’all to keep they name out ya mouth.

1. Sea Isle City (even) When brotastic websites viciously dredge up NSFW stories from 2014 to sully your image in 2016, you know you’re a community marked for a take-down. But no, Sea Isle marches forward, chin held high, as the haters sharpen their daggers. Stay woke (and hydrated), Sea Isle. Everybody wants to be you.