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July 03, 2023

Ranking the best names in Philadelphia sports

It's PhillyRank Week at PhillyVoice. We rank the best names in the entire Philly sports scene.

Everyone loves ranking things. Given that you clicked on this article and are reading it, that's certainly the case for you, too. Here at PhillyVoice, we take pride in our sports rankings, from my list of the best MLB uniforms to the biggest Philly sports villains. We're going to hit you with a new set of rankings this week, so if you're taking time off work this holiday or need some beach reading that's better than some dime store-quality paperback you grabbed at CVS, PhillyVoice is the place for you over the next several days.

To kick things off, I'm ranking the best names in Philly sports. Not the best players, but simply the best names based on how cool or unique they may be. Current players only! The range goes from an All-Pro corner to the dude who may never play in a professional game. We'll continue on with the best jerseys to buy, the best contracts in the city's sports scene and more. 

What's in a name, anyway? Let's get after it...

10. Ranger Suárez, Phillies P

Putting aside the grand slam Suárez surrendered on Sunday, there's something intimidating about having to face a Ranger on a mound if you're up at the plate. 

9. Alec Bohm, Phillies IF

Alec Bohm's pop at the plate has come and gone during his Phillies career despite some great bat-to-ball skills. When he's launching home runs, however, like his two-homer game during this past Saturday's 19-4 rout, calling it a "Bohm Bomb" makes all the sense in the world.

8. Mac McClung, Sixers G

"Mac McClung" is basically a character from a Disney Channel Original Movie who ended up winning the NBA Slam Dunk Contest. 

7. Dániel Gazdag, Union M

Hungarian midfielder Dániel Gazdag has seven goals so far this season for the Union and the wider Philly sports landscape needs to be more aware of both his play and his name. I couldn't find any information online as to whether he has a nickname and, really, I don't think he needs to go by "Gaz" or "Dags" or "The Gaz Man." Gazdag works perfectly. 

6. Kenny Gainwell, Eagles RB

He gains well. That's what you want a running back to do when the ball is in his hands! 

5. Owen Tippett, Flyers RW

Much like Gainwell, this name describes an action. Tip it in the net, Owen! 

4. Charleston Rambo, Eagles WR 

Charleston Rambo is way down the Eagles' wide receiver depth chart this offseason, but if somehow balls out in training camp and the preseason, making the team in the process, you're going to be seeing some sicko fans (a term of endearment!) wearing "RAMBO" shirseys. Rambo is currently wearing No. 43, which is a uniform number that just does not fit a wideout of his profile with that name. The Eagles as a whole are running out of numbers, so it's part of a larger issue I guess. 

3. Andrew Painter, Phillies P

Andrew Painter hasn't pitched yet this season after suffering a UCL sprain in Spring Training, but he's still the No. 11 prospect in all of baseball. Painter isn't even on the Phillies' major league squad, but I've already used "Paint the Corners" and "Paint It Red" tabloid headlines on this site for him. "Andrew Painter" is not a name for a person born to be an artist. It's for a 6'7" righty with a killer fastball. 

2. Oliver Bonk, Flyers D

I was in the process of making some early notes for this ranking last week when the Flyers drafted defenseman Oliver Bonk with the second of their two first-round picks at No. 22. I knew immediately he would make this list. If the Flyers can actually develop him, "BONK" jerseys would be welcomed throughout the Delaware Valley for years to come. 

1. Darius Slay, Eagles CB

One syllable just gets it done. On top of being a multiple-time Pro Bowler, going by "Slay" is effortlessly cool. 

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