May 07, 2016
Many are heavily invested on whether or not to implement Philadelphia Mayor Jim Kenney's proposed three-cents-per-ounce tax on sugary drinks. Television ads! Twitter accounts! Rallies! All the signs of an old-fashioned, cash-infused political debate.
Personally, I could care less about taxing soda; I've cut my liquid diet down to just water/coffee/booze.
But I do like to help, and considering what Kenney wants to pay for — improvements to the city's ailing parks, a new universal pre-kindergarten program, police body cameras, etc. — I feel the need to try and assist.
Since some are causing such a stink about the "grocery tax," or whatever you want to call it, it might help to look at some possible alternatives. Councilwoman Maria Quiñones-Sánchez (D-7th District) has already proposed a few of her own, yet maybe we need to think outside the box. Here are a few ideas:
• Tax time spent stopping your car in the middle of Girard Avenue: You know when you're cruising down Girard at a reasonable clip when, for whatever reason, a driver in front of you thinks it's totally OK to just stop in the middle of the street, throw their four-ways on and treat the roadway like its a parking lot? Let's get the PPA to charge ten cents for every second spent making commuting miserable for everyone else. Think about it, PPA officers: It could change public opinion about your jobs!
• Charge phone calls made to local sports radio stations: Philly loves/hates their sports teams, as evidenced by the reasonable thoughtful interesting opinions shared by callers to the town's two sports radio stations, 97.5 The Phanatic and Sportsradio 94WIP. There's no way a small, quarter-per-minute fee would stop fans from phoning in to rant about how poorly the teams are performing this week.
• A fine for tourists' clichés: Every time a visitor to Philly tries to use cheesesteaks, Rocky, pretzels, the Liberty Bell, or any similarly overused stereotypes to sum up the city, we hit them with a $20 fine. Also, we shame them.
• Advertise on historical landmarks: I can see it now: The Taco Bell and Pizza Hut Independence Hall, Betsy Ross' Lincoln Financial House, PetSmart's Eastern State Penitentiary. The possibilities are endless. Heck, maybe the soda companies could even get something out of this. Pepsi-Cola's Boathouse Row, anyone?
• A toll to get out of Philly: It's free to go from Philly to New Jersey over the Ben Franklin Bridge, but costs $5 on the return trip (a fact often used as the butt of a joke to deride our neighbors across the Delaware River). Let's change that with a matching five-buck toll. We could even hire a bridge troll. I wonder if Frank Reynolds is free?
