December 21, 2016
Down the shore, across the bay from Atlantic City, the Absecon Police Department is cleaning up crime, one allegedly-inept perp at a time.
Make it two at a time in this case: the accused in this slippery investigation – they allegedly were trying to steal 180 bars of Dove soap – are twins, the perfectly named Kenny and Lenny Stewart, both 48.
The account of their alleged Dec. 16 crime – with video – by Detective Mitch Levin on the department’s Facebook page is pure gold and had amassed 233 likes, 67 comments, 94 shares and nearly 8,000 views by late Wednesday morning.
The Facebook account begins:
“Kenny and Lenny are twins. Twins presumably share a strong connection and do many things together. This could include committing crimes together in #Absecon (allegedly).” Levin goes on to write they dumped the mound of soap bars into a large bag and “attempted their getaway with store employees hot on their trail.”
(Read the Abescon Police Department's entire post below)
But their slip ups began as soon as the suspects got outside ShopRite, with a failure to communicate – twice, as befits twins.
Each of the Stewarts ran toward a trash can, each holding one side of the getaway bag’s handles, and each running on either side of the trash can.
Their collision with the can sent them sprawling and Levin’s account continues:
“No worse-for-wear and not the least bit discouraged, the twins sprung to their feet and began putting some distance between them and their pursuers. Until the shopping cart appeared. The cart… re-introduced both Kenny and Lenny to the hard-packed pavement. Alleged stealing can be hard like pavement.”
The twins regrouped as Levin again picked up his narrative:
“Rounding the building, with freedom in sight and the aromatic lilac musk of Dove soap permeating the December chill, the twins came face to face with Ptl. Cavileer, an police officer investigating a minor motor vehicle accident on the side of the building.
The duo was charged with shoplifting and resisting arrest.
No word on what their plans were for 180 bars of Dove soap.