September 23, 2016
And witnesses say they looked back and forth between the man and the greasy cheesesteak slathered in cheez whiz and for a moment found it impossible to say which was which.
Well, he was the driver.
Hey guys. Okay, first of all: All clown activity is suspicious. Second: People dressed as clowns are clowns. The costume is really the only prerequisite to clownhood. Anybody who says different is lying, bloodsucking, tooth-collecting, clown.
The kids say the 23 clowns asked for directions to Geno’s Steaks before throwing urine-filled balloons at them, piling into a powder blue hatchback and fleeing the scene.
“Over my dead body,” explains Ed Snider.
“One little glitch,” says Wolf. “All the cars keeps trying to run over Sidney Crosby for some reason.”
“I uploaded my soul to the internet!” explains Ed Snider.
“I guess that’s progress,” says local rat, struggling to light her cigarette in the late-summer breeze. “But sometimes progress sets us back a little, if you know what I mean. See, this hotel will be nice and fancy looking and all that. No denying that. But it’s not for us. If you live here, you don’t need to stay there. The diner, on the other hand, that’s for everybody. Everybody needs to eat. And it was a decent enough place. Comfortable. I would say that if we’re not careful, all this so-called progress is going to turn our hometown into a bunch of bright, shiny Apple-store looking restaurants and hotels we Philadelphians don’t have much use for, but that’s already happening isn’t it. Progress. Doesn’t seem like the right word for what’s going on.”