September 09, 2016
“It’s 10 walls.”
Now all those newborn candies are in there raising themselves. And it sounds cute and all, but the peep mortality rate is skyrocketing and experts predict a complete colony collapse by 2018.
And that’s why Ike started hanging out with the bad candies, like Good, and Plenty, and the Snickers with the razor blade.
Enjoy loping around on your high horses, all you stop-sign fundamentalists.
For reasons nobody can quite explain, this leads to the end of the world.
And dramatically increasing property values in the area.
“Hell, let’s give them each a couple bottles of merlot, too,” says State Sen. Tom Killion.
But the report does conclude that “a couple strategically placed penny truck accidents” would “do the trick.”
Even though the list is nonsense, and the people who crapped it out neither knew what they were talking about nor wanted to make the list in the first place, it’s sort of nice to see Philadelphia so well-regarded on such a highly visible work of specious clickbait.
“We both agree dogs need to be killed — in large numbers and on a regular basis. But for the love of Christ, learn to a compose a photo, people.”
Hey, everybody. Just got back from the future. Just a head’s up: Nobody in the frat learned anything from the incident and they all became really rich and powerful. The world sucks. Gonna go try to get eaten by a T-Rex now. Laterz.