July 11, 2025
Provided Image/Louis Bezich
The right partner can boosts the odds of maintaining a healthy lifestyle, as Louis Bezich, right, has learned in his 17-year marriage to Maria, left.
Seventeen years — that's the number I hit on July 3, my wedding anniversary. Now, for a lot of men in the 50-plus bracket, 17 years may not be anything special, and it's certainly not a marquee milestone, but for a guy on his third marriage, it had me thinking.
For the record, it's by far my longest, and although I had two sons with my first wife, my current wife, Maria, has a great relationship with my sons, who are now adults, and two grandchildren. She's fully integrated herself into the family culture and earned their respect and admiration.
Maria is a retired speech and language pathologist who spent 25 years helping school children improve their speech. My family frequently runs into parents of Maria's former students – and sometime the students themselves — who praise her for the impact she's had on their lives. For me, the third time seems to be the charm. My relationship with Maria, and her contributions to my lifestyle, have been a big factor in my ability to sustain my healthy habits.
But beyond this personal epiphany, it occurs to me that men may find encouragement in my journey to marital stability, and the resulting impact on my lifestyle. The path was anything but smooth. Another factor prompting me to share my story is the epidemic of loneliness confronting older adults, particularly men, and the science that tells us that loneliness raises the risk of premature death as much as smoking or obesity. Yes, the mantra "it's never too late" that we apply to healthy living also applies to finding loving relationships. And women sure think so.
My marital journey started in high school, where I met my first wife. Despite a four-year stint away at college, after graduation, I returned to South Jersey, and we married two years later. I was 23. The 10-year marriage produced two beautiful boys after a stillborn son rocked us to the core.
I had a vision for a family and career, largely influenced by my parents who had divorced after 20 years of marriage and five children. I didn't want to repeat what I grew up with — an up-and-down relationship that eventually crashed. Despite my best efforts, I discovered that my wife was troubled by what we now know as an adverse childhood experience. It haunted her, and the resulting behavior destroyed our marriage and my career goals.
We divorced and eventually, the boys came to live with me. One was in seventh grade and the other in second. My deep concern for the well-being of the boys, and the associated stress that came with that, became a motivating factor in advancing my exercise and dietary habits. This was the antidote for the stress. The bottom line: my first marriage ended, but it brought me two magnificent children that remain my inspiration for living clean.
My second marriage also succumbed to medical circumstances. I met a girl through work (how cliché) and, given marriage No. 1, we dated for something like five years before we tied the knot. Things were initially good. She had never been married, so she had no children and welcomed my boys. Not long into the marriage, she had a fairly routine medical procedure that went awry. While not life-threatening, there was a modest neurological impact that influenced her personality and impacted our relationship. As she recovered, we tried counseling and I sought help to better understand her circumstances, but the hole proved too deep. Given my history, the short duration of the marriage, and the absence of any children between us, we divorced. That's the drama-scrubbed short version.
There were several years between my second and third marriages. I had been burned twice and the lingering sting made me extremely cautious. Having met my second wife through work, I really hadn't dated much for a long time, and I was now in my mid-40s. I read a lot of books on relationships and started dating to get my bearings and reset my social life.
Building social relationships, whether friendship or romance, can be more difficult over 40, particularly for men. Time constraints, family obligations and barriers like fear of rejection can present challenges. People also can become set in their ways and quickly find fault in others based on concerns that they won't have anything to talk about. Still, there are several ways – with and without the help of social media and matchmaking services – to find love. After a bit of dating, which I found therapeutic, a friend connected me with the woman who became my third wife.
The relationship started with a simple meeting and, over time, with some ups and downs that tested the strength of our potential, we locked in. Though once divorced, Maria had no children but immediately bonded with mine. Her sweetness and personality won over my parents, who were still living at the time, and the entire family. With all that in line, we dated for probably five years, she moved in with me, and our lives became one. We ultimately formalized the relationship and got married. Again, restraints on this column don't allow me to share the drama, which of course is always a factor. Blended families, ex-wives and other factors can present hurdles, but with the basic compatibility and some effort, I've found that success is within reach, even if it doesn't happen until the third try.
The bonus, of course, is that a supporting spouse can improve the odds tremendously so that you'll stick with your healthy lifestyle. There is extensive science that strong marriages improve the odds of living healthy — for both spouses.
So, guys, if you're in a happy marriage, congratulations. Make the most of it and work with your spouse to live healthy and happily. It can improve you physically, mentally and emotionally. And if you're not, and you are looking for the love of your life, take some advice from a guy who needed three bites at the apple to find success. Never give up. It's never too late. And it's worth every ounce of effort it may take.
