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June 19, 2017

You can pay money to have Jon Taffer scream at you

The only reality television host/guru/character who captures my imagination more than cat whisperer Jackson Galaxy is Jon Taffer, the human embodiment of the steam coming out of someone's ears.

Taffer is the host of "Bar Rescue," a show in which he yells at and belittles bar owners and employees for how crappy their stupid bars are over the course of several days before giving them some sort of bar boot camp and an expensive renovation.

He's found notoriety and success from his brash and confrontational style, despite some members of the industry suggesting he's not as much of an expert as he claims to be.

Taffer's got ties to the Philly area as well. He managed a local bar in the 1980s that gave away a breast augmentation as a promotion, and his show has performed attempted rescues of three Philly bars. All three later closed.

On July 25, Taffer will return to the Philly area — aka a hotel in Cherry Hill — as part of his "Rescue Tour," a series of motivational seminars in which he yells at bar and restaurant owners about MEDIOCRITY and how we're STUCK IN IT and apparently how to get out of it.

General admission tickets for the five-hour seminar are $199, and VIP tickets are $499. The description for the event, which inexplicably describes the economic and social trends of San Jose, reads as follows:

Come see Jon right here in your backyard teaching you how to drive more revenue from your current guests and increase your overall guest counts every day of the week!

I do not own a bar or restaurant, nor do I have plans to try and do so in the near future. But seeing the volatile cocktail of anger and attempted motivation that is Jon Taffer in the flesh is a more exciting prospect than any concert or live sporting event.

If unable to obtain a press pass, I will do what I'm required to do as a millennial and start an online fundraising campaign for the ticket. Stay tuned.