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November 12, 2015

Cosby, Hitler, A.I., Deez Nuts, Rousey and ‘Your Mom’ drew write-in votes

As usual, voters going off script in the Nov. 3 elections for mayor and other positions were funny, poignant, racist and whimsical

Sure, the races in the Nov. 3 general election have been decided, but that doesn’t mean the work is done over at the Board of Elections offices near Delaware Avenue and Spring Garden Street.

As the process to tally write-in and absentee ballots continues, officials there provided PhillyVoice with a 216-page stack of off-list responses from across the city’s 66 political wards.

What we saw was humorous, frightening and everything in between.

First things first: several people actually launched write-in candidacies for mayor. 

They included local sportscaster/wolfman tribute artist Howard Eskin, perennial candidate Queena Bass and Soxx, a quirky character created by the number one fan of Philly’s sanitation workers.

Eskin led that crew with an estimated 25 votes scattered across the city. Soxx came in second – if you ignore the five candidates on the actual ballot – with six votes out of Mt. Airy and her home district in lower Kensington. Bass’ lone vote came from South Philly.

Among the other notable write-in vote recipients in the mayoral race were:

 Lynne Abraham (the Democratic primary candidate drew three votes)

– Mumia Abu-Jamal (University City)

– Baby Pope (East Falls)

– Deez Nuts (Graduate Hospital area)

– the late Republican City Councilman Thacher Longstreth (Port Richmond)

 President Barack Obama (Center City)

 Doug Oliver (the primary candidate’s vote came from East Falls)

 Donald Trump (South Philly, west of Broad Street)

The fun was not just confined to the mayoral race, though. 

Aside from the “Anybody But/Not [Insert Candidate’s Name here]," Ori Feibush supporters and people voting for their friends for numerous positions at one time, a wide array of both recognizable and random names appeared. 

The highlights of those votes were:

 Batman, Batman Jr. and Batman III (Superior Court, Commonwealth Court and Second District Council respectively)

– Zaphod Beeblebrox from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Fifth District Council)

 Black Lives Matter (Sheriff)

 Jerome Brown, late Eagles defensive lineman (Common Pleas judge)

 Fergus Carey of Fergie's Pub (Superior Court)

 Cheesegod 69 (City Commissioner)

 Clark the Dog (Fourth District Council)

– Josh Cohen (aide to Councilman Curtis Jones Jr. received vote for his boss' position)

 Bill Cosby (Municipal Court Judge, Sheriff and Register of Wills)

 Donald Duck (Sheriff)

 F--- Anthony Clark (City Commissioner)

– University of Pennsylvania President Amy Gutmann (Third District Council, Court of Common Pleas)

 Adolf Hitler (Superior Court write-in from Bridesburg)

 Cheri Honkala (Sheriff)

 Allen Iverson (Third District Council, Sheriff)

 Former Phillies shortstop Steve Jeltz (Common Pleas judge)

 “Johnny Doc is an FBI Rat” (Sixth District Council and state Supreme Court)

 Junebug (Register of Wills)

 Larry King (Sheriff)

 Former professional wrestler Brock Lesnar (Superior Court)

– Mary Kate Infinity (Eighth District Council)

 Phillies first-base coach Mickey Morandini (Second District Council)

 Mickey Mouse (two votes for First District Council; one in Third, Fourth and Fifth Districts; Common Pleas judge; pair of votes for mayor, as well)

 Peter Pan (Superior Court)

 Police Commissioner Charles Ramsey (Sheriff)

 Roswell T. Cat (Third District Council)

 UFC Champ Ronda Rousey (Tenth District Council)

 Squish T. Cat (two votes for Third District Council)

 Someone Who Is Not Corrupt (Second District Council)

 This Office Should Be Abolished (Sheriff)

 Your Mom (Commonwealth Court)

One troubled soul living near Cottman and Torresdale used a write-in ballot to share an unintelligible (freedom is misspelled as “fredom” throughout) racist screed that won’t be shared here. I'm sure neighbors already know who it was.