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July 11, 2016

Jersey Shore Power Rankings: Major shakeup atop the definitive list

Return of the highly scientific look at what barrier island towns are better than others

Opinion Jersey Shore
Atlantic City Boardwalk Brian Hickey/PhillyVoice

The view from Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City before last week's Hillary Clinton rally.

Hi, everyone! How was your weekend? Great, I hope. Mine was.

We went to Deep Creek Lake, Md. and enjoyed its 69 miles of shoreline by hiking, cruising around on a boat, stopping by the world famous Honi-Honi Bar and, on the way home, dining at a Waffle House.

Highly recommended. All of it.

But you’re not here to hear about my out-of-area long weekend. You’re here to hear about the comparative standing amongst Jersey Shore towns. So, let’s get to it.

Seven days ago, the list was as follows:

16. Long Beach Island (-12)

14. Longport (even) and Margate (-9)

13. Ocean City (-1)

12. Cape May Point (+1)

11. Wildwood (-4)

10. Stone Harbor (+1)

9. Brigantine (-1)

8. Strathmere (-6)

7. Ventnor (+8)

6. Cape May (+4)

5. Wildwood Crest (even)

1. North Wildwood (+16), Avalon (+2), Sea Isle (even), Atlantic City (+8)

Let’s see how the rankings stand today!

16. North Wildwood (-16) The It’s-Always-Sunny bump lasted a mere week. That this town is home (whether permanent or vacation) to an American flag thief bodes poorly for its chances at recovery. Also, stop harassing children with cerebral palsy. Realest talk.

15. Long Beach Island (+1) Boat crashes are scary. So are billboard photo-shaming Realtors.

14. Ocean City (-1). Bomb threats, even if unfounded, aren’t a good look.

12. Margate (+2) and Wildwood (-1) These two spots canceled their Fourth of July fireworks shows on account of inclement weather (see here and here). That’s sad for people who rented the high-profile weekend hoping to celebrate American independence amid sea air. The stain of this decision will soon lift, though, as they rescheduled patriotic pageantry for this past weekend.

11. Longport (+3) Happenstance.

10. Cape May Point (+2) See Longport.

9. Brigantine (even) Still getting emails about this city, which will soon find upward momentum courtesy of a story coming soon to PhillyVoice. No spoilers, but stay tuned!

8. Cape May (-2) RIP Coast Guard Seaman Recruit Aaron Redd, 21, of Stafford, Va. RIP seeing the shore as a getaway from nasty anonymous commenters.

7. Stone Harbor (+3) The Flyers are coming to town! The Flyers are coming to town!

6. Ventnor (+1) Garden tours are good. Garden tours on acid? Lemme know if you found out this weekend.

5. Wildwood Crest (even) But if these stenches aren’t dealt with posthaste, Crest could take a tumble.

4. Sea Isle City (-4) This marks the first time since the definitive power-rankings list’s inception that SIC did not hold the top spot either by itself or in a shared situation. But that was before the SICPD came correct with word that it’s grappling with issues of “crowd conduct and behavior, beach curfew, bike violations, open containers and underage possession and consumption of alcohol.” There was also an armed robbery. This is troubling to say the least. Sea Isle’s got itself some work to do to return atop the pack.

3. Avalon (-2) Renegade skateboarders are taking over.

2. Atlantic City (-1) Big week in America’s playground. A presidential candidate stopped by to podium-attack her foe. The Coast Guard saved a few lives. And, a dragon boat event helped raise money for cancer support groups.

1. Strathmere (+8) As the Deep Creek Lake weekend came to a way-too-early close, the crew settled on Strathmere as the likely setting of next year's gathering. Because it's quiet and good and family-friendly. If that doesn't scream "Top of the Definitive Jersey Shore Town Power Rankings List," I know not what does.