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May 29, 2015

Week in review: Ruben’s foot, meet Ruben’s mouth

Here’s a new feature that we’re going to try out, reviewing the week’s sports events and providing them with a Philadelphia spin when possible.

•    “Bitch and complain.” Those are the words Ruben Amaro, Jr. uttered that sent Philadelphia into a collective tizzy. DON’T YOU DARE CALL US OUT WHEN ALL WE DO IS MAKE FUN OF YOU! I joked on Twitter that during his apology tour throughout the day, the Phillies general manager did more press than Kevin Hart promoting a movie. Rube apologized and apologized, and the people who he apologized to didn’t particularly want to hear it.

Here’s a semi-hot take for the masses to consume: I don’t think Amaro is wrong, although you could easily make the argument that Aaron Nola, the most advanced arm in the history of advanced arms, is ready for the big leagues right now. The problem is that Amaro’s recent track record, which is literally as bad as humanly possible, doesn’t provide him with the cachet to say something like that publicly. Can you imagine if he doubled down, though? “Yeah, that’s right, you blabbering idiots!” Oh well, there’s always tomorrow for that, I guess.

•    “If you start chasing perception then you have a long life ahead of you, son." The fact that Chip Kelly called veteran Inquirer columnist Bob Brookover “son” is all sorts of amazing. “Big people beat up little people” has been touted as the essence of Chip’s tao, but we might have a new leader in the clubhouse, son. The Eagles opened up OTA’s for one day, and that’s all it took for them to regain the title of “Most Interesting Team in All of Sports.” For instance, they have a first-string quarterback that is interesting:

They have a third/fourth string quarterback that is interesting:

They have a shiny new running back that is talking in detail about meat and bones. They have a player that they kinda, sorta need who isn’t there, and they seem to give zero you-know-what’s.

•    I can’t say that I’ve ever listened to any of Lil B’s music outside of his fire Kevin Durant diss track, but the Based God Curse is real at this point. Durant first fell victim, and even if you were still skeptical after that, James Harden’s 13-turnover Game 5 stinkbomb in Roarcle Arena is all the proof you need:

The Sixers aren’t good yet, but there’s no reason to take any chances. It’s best to get the Based God on your side when you can. I imagine this order came down from Hinkie himself:

•    For the first time, many casual futbol fans were treated to the ugly side of The Beautiful Game, as FIFA and president Sepp Blatter are under major fire. No worries, though. Blatter was re-elected about an hour ago to the chagrin of most Americans and our fearless leader, Bob Ley. I can’t recommend the “Real Sports” report from last year on the Qatar World Cup enough. If you’re not aware of the subject, it will come as a shock to the system. Here’s a clip:

Have a good weekend, everybody. If you’re headed down to the shore, make sure you live it up like this guy:

Follow Rich on Twitter: @rich_hofmann