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June 27, 2024

Oh, The Leads That You'll Blow: A Children's Book Sequel About the San Francisco Forty-Whiners

Jimmy Kempski releases his highly anticipated sequel to last year’s world-renown 49ers children’s book.

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Oh the leads that youll blow 1.png Jimmy/for PhillyVoice

After losing a game they thought was unjust,

The '23 Niners would be champs, or bust.

They spent the whole summer whining like bitches,

But were eager to dish out bruises and stitches.

Oh, There's No One To Throw: A Children's Book About the San Francisco Forty-Whiners (the original)

With Shanny back in control and command,

The regular season went just as they'd planned.

They went 12-5, earned home field throughout,

Contender status, never in doubt.

They pretended to be slighted to fan their flames,

Even though they were favored in all of their games.

Along the way, they beat Philly and Dallas,

And did so with hatred, and spite, and malice.


They had two close calls to Green Bay and Detroit,

But those teams made errors that they could exploit.

They were able to breathe a deep sigh of relief,

It was on to Vegas to take on the Chiefs.

Would their stars become heroes or merely some jokers?

Kings of their city, or perennial chokers?

Would Christian and Purdy and Deebo and Kittle,

Come up big, or come up little?

Oh, The Leads That You'll Blow!

It didn't take long for McCaffrey to stumble,

When he cost the team points with a red zone fumble.

Kittle did nothing, and maybe that's why,

He had zero waves to the eye in the sky. 


The fate of Dre Greenlaw's season was sealed,

When he tore his Achilles running onto the field.

Brock wasn't bad, but also not great, 

He missed a chance to end all debate.


Bosa had zero sacks, couldn't beat the protection,

He'll now have more time to deny the election.

Deebo was talking, so bold and so brash,

But he played kinda like, dare I say... "trash?" 


Their fans in Vegas were ready to party,

Finally, their time for another Lombardi.

It's been 29 years, and they haven't won since,

Instead, they’re stuck... with David, not Vince.

But Shanahan and the coaches were revealed to be fools,

When the players didn't know the overtime rules.

In the end it would be Kyle's personal hell,

Three 10-point leads, three Super Bowl L's.

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