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December 06, 2015

Handing out 10 awards from the Eagles-Patri*ts game

Eagles NFL
120615TomBrady Charles Krupa/AP

Tom Brady's tears taste like unicorn meat marinated in rainbows.

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. -- Well, that was... unexpected? Coming off three straight atrocious losses to a trio of bad teams, the Philadelphia Eagles did what not too many teams do -- they walked out of Gillette Stadium with a W, 35-28. As always, win or lose, we hand out 10 awards.

1) The 'OMG THE EAGLES ARE AWESOME AGAIN' Award: Chip Kelly

The Patriots were thought to be the best team in the NFL before Sunday night. Therefore, because the Eagles beat the Patriots, they are the new best team in the NFL. It's science. Now, some may make the argument that the Panthers remain undefeated at 12-0, and that they are the best team in the NFL. Others may state that because the Broncos beat the Patriots last week, they are the best team in the NFL. Those are solid points, however...

2) The 'Special Special Teams' Award: Dave Fipp

A season ago, the Eagles got a staggering seven special teams touchdowns. Through their first 11 games, they had one. This was a point we touched on in our five matchups to watch on Friday:

When you're overmatched to the degree the Eagles are this Sunday, ideally your special teams units can make a play to swing a game. A season ago, the Eagles scored seven special teams touchdowns. This season they have one. Can somebody make a play?

The answer: Yep. They made two of them. Darren Sproles had a punt return TD and Najee Goode returned a Chris Maragos blocked punt for a score. Eagles special teams coach Dave Fipp is pleased.

3) The 'Eat it Brady' Award: Tom Brady

Yeah. Just eat it, Tom Brady.

4) The 'Eat it Belichick' Award: Bill Belichick

Should have cheated, bro.

Also... that onsides kick was dumb.

5) The Milestone Award: Marcus Smith

Smith got his first career solo tackle against the Pats... Cellllll-e-brate good times!

The Eagles are undefeated when Smith gets a solo tackle.

6) The Bodyguard Award: Jason Peters

Peters made a pretty amazing play to give Sam Bradford some extra time on the key 3rd down conversion to Riley Cooper:

Here's Peters' in his bodyguard shirt after the game:

None

7) The NFC East Dumpster Fire Award: The Cowboys, Redskins and Giants

I mean...

None

Lol.

8) The Lucky Break Award: Lane Johnson

Lane Johnson got away with a false start on the key 3rd down conversion to Riley Cooper. Raise your hand if you feel bad for the Patri*ts in any way whatsoever.

9) The Stone Hands Award: The Eagles' hands team

On the Patriots' first onsides kick in the second half, Zach Ertz dropped the ball and the Pats recovered. They quickly scored and tried another onsides kick, this time with Riley Cooper putting his stone hands to good use by batting the ball out of bounds. 

10) The Debbie Downer Award: Me

OK, so that was fun. However, I do wonder if this win will be far more enjoyable now than it will be in late April when the Eagles are too far down in the draft to select a quarterback.

(Ducks)


Follow Jimmy on Twitter: @JimmyKempski

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